What to Do if You Fall for an Escort
When you originally began seeing an escort, it might have just been a bit of fun. Meeting an escort is fun - depending on your exact experience, it’s likely that you returned to the same woman if you enjoyed her the first time you met. Over time, you may have gradually started to get to know each other, and it’s possible that feelings of genuine care and affection have risen due to the physical connection you’ve shared.
We understand - it can be hard to separate love and lust, even more so when the lust itself is satisfied. But if you find yourself missing her when you’re not with her, wishing you could talk to her or ask her opinion, caring about her likes and interests, it’s likely that your feelings go deeper than lust.
A popular question is what to do if you fall in love with an escort. Falling in love is a heady sensation. A lot of it has to do with the reward centre of the brain - doing things that feel good to us. Dopamine, and a related chemical norepinephrine, are released during attraction. This can be fairly addictive and drives you to want to spend more time with the person.
On the flipside, there is no pain quite like the despair and jealousy that come with unrequited love. So what do you do if you have these overwhelming feelings - and where do they stem from?
It’s her job
Firstly, remember that this is her job. The likelihood is that she’s stunningly beautiful and also easy to talk to - that winning combination. It is highly unlikely that you are the only man she sees in return for payment, and if you feel close to her, then she is doing her job well. She may even have a boyfriend or partner outside of her job as an escort.
In lust
Consider that you could be ‘in lust.’ This similar feeling is complicated. If you and the escort only meet up to engage in sex acts or sex, and only talk superficially, it’s like that while you lust for her, you don’t actually love her. After all, you don’t really know her.
The girlfriend experience
A GFE is when an escort acts as if she is your girlfriend. This likely includes going on dates, such as out for drinks and food. She will listen to you and make you feel understood. She’ll likely be an entertaining conversationalist, making you feel engaged yourself. As well as that, upon returning to your hotel or her place/yours, you’ll probably have sex.
It’s understandable to develop feelings - after all, she acts as though she’s in love with you. But again, this is her job - you are paying her to be kind, empathetic, and understanding. Men often see GFEs because they are lonely or do not have time to date in order to develop a committed relationship.
Could she feel the same way?
It is unlikely, but not entirely impossible. Firstly, take an honest look at yourself - what do you bring to the table? Do you ever do things for her that mean you’re likely her favourite client? Are you attractive? Do you have a good job? Do you take care of yourself and your personal hygiene? Do you treat her with kindness and respect? Most importantly, are you already married in a relationship? If you are, you must keep your feelings to yourself.
How do you feel about her job?
If she did feel the same way as you, would you be understanding of her job as an escort? If you want to be in a truly monogamous relationship, it may be best not to consider a relationship with her. She may not wish to give up her job, and she may not wish to give it up for someone else when relationships can end.
What to do next:
Consider confessing
If you have answered positively to some of the above questions, you may tell her your feelings - but be prepared for them to be unrequited. If she doesn’t return your feelings, be respectful and understanding. Do not react angrily, do not cry, and do not sulk. It’s an uncomfortable position to put her in. But at least this way, you won’t wonder ‘What if?’
Stop seeing this escort
This will be extremely difficult. But each time you see her, you reinforce your feelings, making them stronger and harder to ignore. If you feel the need for sex, see a different escort. Think about dating in search of a meaningful relationship in your own life, which could be an open relationship. Focus on other things, such as work, the gym, or anything else that you either enjoy, or that takes your mind off it.
Accept it for what it is
There’s no reason you can’t still enjoy sex with her and intimacy - except if you are unable to separate your feelings. If you can’t see it as you’re paying her to provide a service, it’s best for you to see a different escort.
Go to therapy
Going to therapy can be helpful for almost anyone. It’s a good way to talk through your emotions in a safe space with someone who is non-judgemental. Talking about them may make it easier for you to process them.